you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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