All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
