Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
