OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
