you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
