I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
