can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
