wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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