The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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