everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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