just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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