I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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