every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
