i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
