need another drink. this is the easiest way
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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