I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
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My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
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my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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