i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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