I faked an abortion last night.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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