I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
