I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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