Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just invented taco cereal.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
