At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
