Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize