I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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