haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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