I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
