Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
