I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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