I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
