so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
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I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
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At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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