I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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