He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Is it penis luge time yet?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
