I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
