My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
