its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Randomize
