I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize