Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I believe in your delicious
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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