I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
