Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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