I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
