why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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