it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
