I didn't shave. On purpose
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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