is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
