I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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