Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
