but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
