I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
