i just wanna soil my oats bro
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
