She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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