Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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