It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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