Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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