This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
