I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
