remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
