I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
