Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
