I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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