if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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