Are we in a gay sports bar?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i love accidental penises.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
