Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
