Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
