I wish my penis had an off switch
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
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He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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