porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
