Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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